Don’t worry, this isn’t a “sympathy for the devil” kind of analysis. The goal is to enter the mind of the intriguing Joe Goldberg, and to understand what truly makes him tick!
It’s easy to call him a monster or a psychopath, but things are rarely that simple. There is a whole lifetime of traumatic experiences that ensure Joe’s murderous becoming. When does it all start? Naturally, when it always does—childhood.
Joe repeatedly witnesses his mother getting beaten by his father. A little boy, who is supposed to feel safe and secure, seeks refuge within a closet. And not only that, but he is also often left alone while his mother wanders off with a different lover each day. She surely has the best of intentions, but this only strengthens Joe’s abandonment issues. The situation escalates when Joe picks up the gun his mother hides in the closet, and shoots his father in an attempt to save her. She comforts him after the committed act, but eventually leaves him at a foster home only to start a new family.
What Joe’s mind concludes from this experience is—”I committed a horrible crime to save my mother, but she still rejected me. I am not worthy of being loved.”
When you look at the history of Joe’s girlfriends, it’s clear that all of them are, in some way, broken. Beck is dealing with deep insecurity issues, Marianne with drug addiction, Bronte with an abusive (apparent) boyfriend. He sees a troubled woman, and wants to be her knight in shining armor. This pattern actually stems from the murder of his father. He recreates the original act of saving his mother, hoping that this time, it won’t result in departure.
But each time a woman sees his dark side and, understandably, decides to leave, he ends her life. He is symbolically killing his mother for starting a life without him.
Moreover, when a woman proves to be strong and independent, Joe loses all romantic feelings. This is most clearly shown with Kate. She is capable of solving all problems without his help, and this is a red flag in his mind because Joe needs to be needed. A self-sufficient woman doesn’t fit the profile of his mother, therefore doesn’t allow him to create the same scenario. All he truly wants is to change the narrative. Why? Because he hasn’t even processed it.
You can notice this in the live interview scene, where he talks about his foster father Mooney’s severe punishments. Uncontrollable crying consumes his body because he’s never had a support system that helped him deal with his suffering. He learned to show his pain through obsessive behavior: stalking, idealization, imprisonment in a cage, and murder. These behaviors demonstrate a great amount of control. Joe isn’t impulsive; he is wise and calculating. He likes to exhibit power because he had none in his formative years. Mooney used to lock him in the bookstore glass cage, so he puts his victims in the same situations, reversing the roles this time.
Another pivotal moment in the formation of Joe Goldberg is his relationship with nurse Fiona from the foster home. Joe easily concludes that she is experiencing the fate of his mother. Her demise is later hinted, leaving Joe riddled with guilt. This intensifies his desire to save the women he falls in love with.
He sees a sad woman and wants to give her the world. His charm works on them because it is genuine. When they disappoint him, he justifies his act, saying to himself that he had to do it. Even when he advices his son, he excuses his violent behavior, saying that he only meant to protect. He doesn’t want his son to be like him, but he unconsciously transfers his mindset onto him.
Same goes with the people around his victims. Any disturbance in the air is a reason for murder. He learned this to be the only way to deal with negative experiences, viewing the whole world as a dangerous place due to his actually dangerous childhood home.
When Marienne tells him that he is no white knight but an outright abuser, he is shocked. The thought of him harming these women instead of saving them is too much for him to handle. In his desire to beat his father, he unconsciously becomes him.
After moving to London, he strives to create a new life for himself, far away from all murder and mayhem. But he just can’t stay away. He tracks down Marianne, locks her in a cage, and starves her. His mind is unable to deal with the guilt, so it creates a new persona—Rhys. He forgets that Marianne is his prisoner, but instead continues to live his care-free, college-professor life, while Ryhs does all the killing. The nature of the Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) is such that the mind of the person splits into different people when they are unable to deal with trauma. Only after Joe accepts his dark parts, and realizes that Rhys is just a hallucination, does he become truly atrocious.
In the finale, you can see him in his truest form—running wild and bloody through the woods, chasing the woman he supposedly loves in order to kill her. The audience then becomes aware of the true extent of his illness, but Joe himself remains clueless. Even ending up in jail does him no good. He concludes that he is not the problem, once again shifting the blame onto someone else. The very title of the show, “You” doesn’t refer to Joe’s lovers, but rather his inability to look within. He focuses on “you,” is able to understand your psyche perfectly, and make you feel truly seen. But what he can’t see is himself because that would require him to deal with the past. Not only with the women he killed, but with the original abandonment wound. Admitting to being an abuser is also admitting to his biggest fear “I don’t deserve to be loved”, which is why he murders women in the first place.
Joe is certainly a charming man, but he shouldn’t be romanticized. That’s another important message. What you can do is embrace the relevance of childhood experiences, and seek to understand what hides beneath the surface. Let Joe Goldberg be a reminder that you are stronger than what happened to you. Violence is weakness, seeing clearly is bravery.
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